Aside from the mundane, this time around it was harder to adjust, but why? Even though my husband is in the United States and in no military-related danger, he has been working from 5am ‘til 10pm most days. His training is extremely mentally-draining. It was hard for me to understand that; I keep forgetting that he is not superhuman… it is his fault though, he should stop acting like one most of the time. When he mentioned that this was as difficult to him as going through BUD/S was (BUD/S - Basic Underwater Demolition/Seal a.k.a. Hell on Earth), it is when it truly hit me. Man, was I a baby during the second month?! I seemed to be missing half of my brain and I needed his feedback on everything. I was driving us both crazy. Out of all the things I would ask him his feedback or direction on, I already knew what he was going to say and I already knew how to get the task done. Introspection is a bitch sometimes (sorry for the language).
Now why was I not a baby during the first or the third month of his non-deployment deployment? Not that I am an expert, but based on my experience during his first long trip (4 months), last year’s deployment (7 months), and his current training (3 months, one more to go), the first month is mostly dedicated to showing the world (yeah) that I am strong enough to deal with this. As childish as it sounds, I do think that is the case. I usually have about a 70% assurance that he will be going on a long trip by a certain month – a month prior. Therefore, I place it on my mind and begin to prepare for it emotionally and also mentally, by making sure his to-do list matches mine amongst other things. Now when he leaves, I am all motivated to show him how much of an amazing wife I am, and how lucky he is to have found me.
A month later – so what happened to the line of his to-do list to make sure that all the vehicles were prepared in case of an emergency? Was “putting more than a quarter of gas per car” not part of his idea of what “preparing a car in case of an emergency” is? So of course, after turning on the vehicles every other week to make sure that the batteries won’t drain, I accidentally (just humor me) ran out of gas. I forgot about it for a few weeks, then something big happened and I needed to move one of the cars. Here is how it went:
- Looking for a gas can in our humongous garage (texted him inquiring the whereabouts of said gas can)
- Didn’t know how to open the mouth of the can – child proof (texted him for instruction)
- The tip of the gas can funnel was too big for the car’s fuel opening (texted him for possible troubleshooting)
- The battery drained after two weeks of sitting (texted him to ask for the location of the jump cables)
- Jumped it and promptly freaked out when I realized I had to drive it to the gas station to add more gas before it would ran out again – I don’t know how to drive manual transmissions (texted him to complain about this being such a pain the ass)
- Miraculously arrived to the gas station without stalling or rolling back a hill (no text!)
- After leaving it running for a while and looking creepy for idling there for a long time, I turned it off and put some gas – it kept clicking after only 5 gallons (texted to communicate my baffling finding)
- Car was not turning on, waited for friend while telling the guy next to me about my car troubles (no text)
- Almost died, when the guy I was talking to for a few minutes, left the gas pump in his car and drove away with it (texted to communicate my near death experience)
- Jumped it, idled for a while and drove home without stalling. Parked it almost where I was supposed to park it at (texted to ask whether it is possible to push it back when in neutral. Yeah, this is how ridiculous I was)
- Tried to turn it back on just to check on the battery and nothing (texted husband to ask him what the problem could be, and to give him my theory that the new battery is most probably not the problem, but the alternator - 'cause I am suddenly a mechanic)
I am ready to slap myself as I am writing this! I can't subject anyone to this any longer, so long story short, after he told me to "Stop acting dumb and to be my independent and smart self" I snapped out of it and month three and the begging of month four have been nagging-free. Yay!
This might be just happening to me, not necessarily a military wife thing, but now that I see a pattern, I do need to work on eliminating it, or at least protecting him from the frightening second month.
