The elite group of Navy SEAL Wives

I cringed as I was writing the title to this post. I feel like I'm about to throw up a little bit in my mouth, I can't stop rolling my eyes and I am mostly disgusted to say that there is, within the community, groups of Navy SEAL wives that truly believe they are above others, the bees knees, the cat's meow, or like I like to say - the shit. Now, my disclaimer is that not every single SEAL wife behave this way. I know many that don't, and I like to think that I belong to the latter. Well, let me tell you a story of when I had my first close encounter with one of these cliques.

My husband had been deployed for almost 7 months. It was time for him to come home. We were in regular contact and although I knew his arrival was close, it became official once he gave me the information that I needed to figure out his arrival time, location, and other details.

The day came faster than I was ready for. I had my mom help me clean the house up to my husband's standards a few days prior to when I thought he was arriving, but just like anything military-related, the date was postponed by about a week. I was too excited to care about the details, and there I was, driving anxiously toward the place I was told to go to. On my way there I was wondering whether I would see welcome banners from other wives (not my thing, but it's cute when others do), I also wondered if dressing up was the way to go, or was my effortlessly-cute-but-casual-not-trying-too-hard look the one that would make my husband remember me by for the next few weeks?

Getting back to the purpose of this story, I finally arrived to the 'waiting room.' We weren't given an exact time of their arrival, but it should be within the next 3-8 hours. As I walked into the room (classroom style), I see a group of women gathered in a circle by a corner of the room. I look over to the other side of the room and I see a single woman sitting with her small daughter. I did not know who she was, but she looked more approachable than the rest. I smiled at the lone lady and her daughter, sat close to her and introduced myself. After 1o minutes or so of conversation, I found that her husband works for a support-type command (not SEALS) - some call them enablers - and it turns out that her husband was arriving that day as well. I asked her why she hadn't joined the group of ladies on the other side of the room. That's when she told me about the No-Support-Wives-Allowed cliques.

Before I go further, it is good to note that SEALS sometimes deploy with men from various support commands. Sometimes, they work together while deployed. Long story short, she told me that in the several years that she's been a part of the community, she is usually excluded from wives-only gatherings or events due to the fact that her husband is not a SEAL. Furthermore, when a SEAL wife befriends Support wives (like herself), they are shunned from the group. I don't like jumping into conclusions, so as I was listening to her, I figured that she must have had some bad experiences that may have pushed her to such a stereotype. I am sure that there are some SEAL wives that behave this way, but figured that it had to be a very small amount of them.

An hour later, the wife of a close friend (SEAL) of my husband - whom I had met several times before, socialized, visited her house and spent a few holidays with - walks into the well-lit room. I look at her and put on a huge smile (finally someone that I know!), she looks at me for at least a few seconds, looks away and walks straight toward the group of women hanging out at the other end of the room. Why did she not even smile back at me? Did she not recognize me? Does she not like the person I am talking to? Weird.

I keep looking over to try and catch her gaze. I did a few times and smiled each time with a "Hi there" face. Nothing. She looked away each time. This is starting to bother me, I now know she definitely saw me sitting there, just a few steps away from her. I forget about it especially since we are told that the group is arriving and we need to go outside the building.

It is dark and cold outside. I feel like peeing, but try to hold it in (no time for a bathroom break) and calm my nerves. I am trying to act cool, as if I am not a newby at this, but then I realize that I don't even know how a non-newby should act. I say hi to a few people around me, hoping that someone would see through my facade and help me by telling me what to expect (will they be allowed to greet their families right after they get off the van/bus? Do I wait where I am at or can I to walk toward him?). Can someone tell me if I am doing the right things?! I'm so needy.

My husband sees me. I see him. We both have our biggest I-don't-care-how-ridiculous-I-look smiles and we go straight for a 3 minute bear hug. Several minutes later I see his friend, the one married to the wife that completely ignored me just a few hours ago. He comes over, says hi, and gives me a hug. All of a sudden his wife looks at me with a surprised face and with a fake high-pitched voice says "Oh my gawd, how are you doing?! It's so great to see you!" I tried to fake smile, but since I suck at it, I am sure she saw through it. She glanced me a guilty face and semi-apologized for not saying hi earlier. I figured that she is one of the followers...hmmm, there must be a Godmother? (Okay, that was dumb - replace that with 'a leader').

I met the leader a few months after that day and let's just say that I never want to see that person again. I let my guard down, tried to give her group a chance (all SEAL wives, of course) and make some friends. The leader's husband was one of the head honchos in the team, which of what I gathered from that group, can be trumped by a lesser-ranked SEAL wife who's husband did something famously heroic. These wives mainly value themselves by their husband's rank.

Now back to my story: I was invited to join them the day after for drinks. I was going to receive the details via text. The next day comes, I wake up early (NOT my thing), dress up, cancelled some plans I had (trying to make an effort here), and no text. I called and texted two of them asking for the information and no reply. Is this their version of hazing?

A month later, I see my husband's friend's wife (my husband wanted to stop by and say hi) and after she ran out of random things to talk about, she says "Oh, sorry about never getting back to you last time, hope you weren't waiting for our reply. We totally forgot about you."

I cringed, wanted to say something like "Oh, not at all, I was actually calling to cancel," but then remembered that my dumbass self left messages like "Can you please send me the address? I am all ready to go. Can't wait!" so I just made a "Oh, don't even worry about it" face. I didn't want to risk opening my mouth and saying something like, oh I don't know, "You fucking bitch!" (excuse my language).

I mentioned I needed to go to the ladies room and as soon as I got there I silently screamed at myself in the mirror (just like in the movies), angrily texted my husband with a "Let's get the fuck out of here, I'll tell you in the car" (Phone's keyboard almost lost a key or two) and fake smiled my way through that visit.

Yes, this story could just be a Mean Girls vs. Cool and Awesome Girls (ha), but as I've gotten to know more of the cool and awesome Navy SEAL wives out there, my story is just like many of the stories shared by them. Based on my experience though, the cool and awesome SEAL wives heavily out-number the mean girls.

My message to these ladies: It is OK to place high value to yours and your husband's accomplishments. Yes, your husband achieved something that many have not, their accomplishments have been also due to your unwavering support, and in some ways the life we live is tougher than many other military families. However, do not use this to excuse your poor treatment of others.