The Hardest Three Firsts

It's been months since he last had to fly somewhere because of work. We were actually very lucky in how things turned out this year. He was scheduled to deploy a few months ago, but a week prior to the tentative date (everything is always tentative until the plane takes off) his deployment got postponed indefinitely.

The first taste of our time apart will be short in time (a few weeks), but soon after that we are looking at an actual deployment (although this time it's shorter than usual, wohoo!). Spending time apart doesn't have to be a bad thing, and it isn't most of the times (I'm speaking as a woman with no kids). It really is what you make of it. A good attitude and a plan do make a difference. There are tons of things to do when he is gone that I normally don't get to do as much when he is around:

- Hanging out with my girlfriends more frequently.
- Not showering or having to shave my legs every day.
- Getting to wear my big ugly panties with no qualms about it.
- Watching Wicker Park for the 100th time (that was me yesterday night).
- More reading time.
- Dedicated painting time.
- Geeking out for hours on end.
- AND, I get to shop and come back home without grouping some of the bags to make it look less expensive (although my husband has never balked at my shopping talents).

This is all fine and dandy, but there are three things that are tough every time he leaves; without fail. The best thing I can do is to face them head on and prepare for them:

The first night without him, the first morning waking up alone, and the first time I come home from work to a house missing a husband.

As much as I try, I just can't truly feel happy during these days, so I figured why not enjoy the sadness? I plan it all out. I already know I won't be able to sleep until two or three in the morning, so I pick an easy-to-read book, a few girly or car chase movies (Death Proof is a rare and amazing find), and various snacks to choose from. When I go to sleep, I usually allow the dogs to sleep in bed with me (only the first night), make sure the gun is loaded and ready to go (and I definitely know how to use it), and put on Bjork's greatest hits.

To help the disorientation in the morning, I normally place a pillow or a folded blanket on his side of the bed. Yes, this is a bit weird, but it's mostly so that when I wake up I don't see an empty space next to me.

Coming home from work to a house missing a husband is something that I had not been able to find a way around... that is until recently. If it is possible, I work from home or take the day off. In that way, there is no leaving and no arriving home. Yes, the next day I usually do have to get out of the house, but by then I am doing a lot better.

It does get easier when the trips are more frequent. That is because it gives me time to get into that mindset. I do wonder how other spouses or live-in girlfriends deal with these three firsts. I also wonder what girlfriends go through.

Now that these three firsts have passed, I have done 6 of the fun things I listed above. Oh yeah, and I am only getting started.